My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
