I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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