You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
