Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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