Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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