Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
