The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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