I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
