we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
