The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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