Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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