And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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