i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
