alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
