those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
