just come out here and I will go home with you...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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