FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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