Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
