finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
