areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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