So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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