he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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