Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
