I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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