THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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