Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
