hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
