I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
