Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
