I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
