i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
