Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
