I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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