If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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