I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
