Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
