Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
