Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
