Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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