i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
