Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
