So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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