marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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