Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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