Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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