i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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