So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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