I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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