I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
