you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
