And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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