That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
