I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
