I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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