just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
