I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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