I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
