And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
