i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize