Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
