I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
