I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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