God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
